Sometimes I catch myself deep in my mind
Where my thoughts try to run wild
Untamed
Unashamed
But I always try to hold it in
It’s been 20 years of perfecting that talent
Something I’m actually good at
Both a gift and a curse
You might ask me why?
Why hold my tongue?
What do I have to bottle up?
Well you see, I grew up a girl.
Growing up a girl means I’m confused
Because when I developed faster than my classmates
All the boys tried to hug me
And I didn’t know why
And my mom told me I had to wear bras
Even though none of the other girls did
Even though I wasn’t comfortable
Growing up a girl means I’m annoyed
Because when I was just in junior high
Men rolled down their windows and shouted weird things at me
When I would walk home from school
And when I’d walk to the store or the park
Since I was too young to drive
Boys would honk at me from the street
Growing up a girl means I’m an object
Because boys would tell me they loved me
And then ask to see my body
And call me names when I said ‘no’
And my personality wasn’t important
Because I was just lucky to even talk to them
Although, never in public
Growing up a girl means I’m damaged
Because any boy that wants to date me is entitled to my body
And to my innocence
Even if I say ‘no’
And it’s easy to throw me up against a wall
And tell me that I wanted it, too
And girls would rather call me names than dare to believe my side
Growing up a girl means I’m silent
Because I still can’t bring myself to call it what it is
Even when I tell my story with confidence
I never want my family to know
And some part of me still thinks I must’ve made it up
That it wasn’t as bad as I remember
That my words are too harsh because he’s not a bad guy
Growing up a girl means I’m scared
Because I have to run to my car at night
With my pepper spray ready and my keys in my fist
And lock my doors the second I’m in
And every car that drives too slow means I’m dialing 911 just in case
Or another trip around the block so I’m not being followed
Back to my second floor apartment that still feels too low
Growing up a girl means I’m tired
Because every boy says they understand
Or tells me that I have nothing to worry about
And only some men are monsters
And sometimes it’s all just in my head
And sometimes it’s actually my fault
Because I grew up a girl.
-Daria
