it is in fact
the hardest thing -
forgiving someone who isn’t even sorry
for what they did.
it takes a lot out of you;
you spend hours
talking
to the hurt person
inside of you
trying to convince them
to forgive.
trying to convince them
to destroy these feelings
that hurt
even through you and the person inside
both know
that as much as you wish
to destroy these feelings,
you can’t.
you wish you could tell
the people who hurt you so bad,
that they’re the reason
you have trouble sleeping at night,
or struggling with getting through the day
without snapping apart.
you wish you could
scream at them
that they’re the reason you
cry yourself to sleep at night because
you feel so
utterly worthless.
you can’t tell them that,
they don’t want to hear it.
chances are they won’t even
understand
and think you’re making
a big deal
out of nothing;
and that,
that hurts even more.
so you just sit there
with a smile on your face,
pretending that all of this is okay,
that you’re totally okay.
what do you do
with such sorrow;
it’s like a blizzard;
no -
it’s like my insides being squeezed up;
no -
it’s like nothing i can put into words.
they told me i look exhausted,
that i’m losing the colour in my eyes
that i need some sleep.
“who took the colour away?”
they ask.
well where do i start?
i am not sure who did -
or maybe i do know who
but i can’t say. -
all i can say is that the world is
too loud right now and
i need some quiet.
how do i tell you
i can’t fix this exhaustion with sleep?
it’s bone-deep.
it gets lonely to feel
all this alone you know?
i need someone to feel it with,
but at the same time
i want all this sorrow to myself.
like the strong ones say
“it’s only my business”.
it always seems through,
as if when it comes to having someone
by your side,
that luck always belongs to someone else.
so what do you do with such sorrow?
nothing, i guess.
