~Orteicia Taylor
I am not broken
I am not suicidal
And I’m certainly not depressed
But maybe, just maybe that’s what I tell my self long enough to deal with the stress.
Well then, if i’m not any of those things, what could I be?
For I have known my self for 18 years and this is definitely not me.
I don’t laugh the same
I don’t love the same
And I care a little less
The things I struggle with now, were the things that made me the best.
I know I’m in the same book
Just on a different page,
And my mind is on the same wavelength
Just at a different stage.
I still struggle with the same things
Just at a different age
And I know I’m still the same person with unwanted jealousy, bitterness and rage.
I’ve reached this far
And I haven’t touched my insecurities yet,
I am as insecure
as insecure can get.
I can tell you I am no stranger to religion
Because with God was the only place I felt like I truly belonged
But as I grew up even that didn’t last long
Everything started to feel so wrong.
I can see his work firsthand when I see a beautiful butterfly or the busiest bee
Or throughout the day when the leaves dance endlessly on a tree
I don’t know when it became so hard to see
That while God was busy loving everybody else
he was also loving me.
I wish while I was looking, I didn’t see
And just suffer the consequence of how naive I would be
I wish while I saw, I just didn’t bother to look
And just bury my self in and educational book
I don’t regret those experiences I had every single day
I don’t regret seeing the world in an oblivious way
I wish while I was figuring out how cruel
this world can be,
I didn’t lose my favourite part of me.
