I’m dating you in my dreams
Looking at your reflection in the windows
I no longer get butterflies
But I still can’t help but search for you in a crowd
You play the games we’ve played with others
And talk to me as if none of it has happened
I can’t help getting jealous
Not only of others but of myself in the past
We occasionally meet glances
And I’m left hoping that it means something more
I should know better though
Than to delude myself with past memories and present dreams
The people you talk to remind me of myself
What’s the difference you see between them and me?
Where did I go wrong?
Why do I care so much about that?
I overthink a lot
Especially when it comes to you
I have to be careful of what I say
Else your ghost in my mind might get the wrong idea
It’s been more than a year now
And I still haven’t found someone who I may love more
Even your imperfections are perfect
And I’m afraid I will no longer be able to say that to you
Never thought I’d be the type of person to say
“I wish they’d love me again”
Yet here we are
I’ve surprised myself with how much I still care for you
It’s not as if we’d date again
Both you and I are too proud for that
I simply want to win
And know that you could love me again, that it’s not yet over
You’ve never fulfilled your promise
To hug me on a date
You only ever saw me through the pixels of your monitor
With at most 50 words exchanged face to face
Writing this message to the air
I’ve realized how much I still have to say to you
But I remain silent
Because what if you think I still like you?
