Was this world built for me? I wonder as I look into the sky as I pray to God and ask why I was born into a broken family. I was abused drugs everywhere. I could never escape until one day when I hit 14 and I realize my parents have been manipulating me so I finally came out and told the truth about all the things they did from the abuse to the drugs to the sexual activity that I should’ve never witnessed and when I got out, I moved into my grandparents house, but then mental health destroyed my brain fallen into depression every day slitting my wrist on a daily I couldn’t take the pain how can someone’s own parents their own blood do that to them? I couldn’t quite understand so then the night came where I picked up that bottle and I poured it in my hand and I took it and of course I was this girl who stayed to herself stayed in her room so no one knew till I woke up that day and I went to school, throwing up my guts. I couldn’t take it. I told someone I trust, but that only landed me in a hospital bed and then I sat in the hospital and watched one month go by doing everything I could do to not go home because I couldn’t take the mental abuse that was given to me by the ones that were supposed to love me from physical abuse to mental abuse. I never hear anyone talk about, but how it messes with your brain and you don’t know if it’s good or bad or if that’s what love is and then I spent the next six months in placement doing anything I could to not go home but then the day came I had to go back and of course I put on this act that everything was OK when I was still broken inside still doing the same more tricks hiding under long sleeve shirts in the hoodies I would wear then summer came and I moved in with who I called my mom and dad. I had three little brothers who I loved dearly. The oldest of the three went down the wrong path as I watched, begging him, trying to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen and then of course my dad wanted to still help him and let him back into the home, but my mom thought he was dangerous and wanted to protect the rest of us kids which I mean I’m 16. The other one’s 10 and the other one’s 10 months so I get where she’s coming from but now that my oldest of my youngest brother is home and my mom and dad no longer live in the same house and by what I hear they probably won again and it’s scary because even though my mom is the one that I should pick she’s living in a home that I can’t and I love my dad and of course I’m gonna be living with him. He also understands more the aspects of mental health instead of judging helps how my life go so wrong I pray to God and ask why I thought I finally had my dream home my dream family everything was gonna be all right and it came crashing down within minutes within seconds. It feels why me why does this happen to me all the physical or mental abuse of the sexual assault from people? I thought I could trust I finally was happy felt safe and I was loved, and yet when I thought was my perfect family has now fallen apart as well. What did I do to deserve this life? I don’t know what else to say, except dear God, please help me lead the way I don’t know where my life is gonna go from this point on, but I hope for the best and oh dear God, do you love me? But I know that it’s just a broken world we live in..
