I hate this. I hate my body. I hate my face. I hate my pin straight hair that never goes the way i want it to no matter how much heat i apply to it. I hate that one freckle on my back that no one sees but i do. I see it. I see it all. I want someone else to see them too so i know im not crazy. So i know im not doing all of this work for nothing. I want someone to see all the things i hate about myself and tell me its ok. But i know that its only a wish. I want to be able to look in a mirror and love the reflection that stares back at me instead of sucking in my stomach just to look at myself. I want to be able to eat without counting calories in my head and i want to be able to look at food and not calculate how many more sit ups i’ll have to do when i get home. I want someone to see all of this and hug me and tell me its ok. I know that will never happen. I know that no one is waiting for me to appear in their life. I will never be anyone’s world. I am merely another astroid in their solar system. I am the backup. Backup friend. Backup girlfriend. I am the landing pad when they fall but what about when i fall? What happens then? The thing is i once knew. I climbed high with my friends and family, but then i slipped. I expected someone to catch me when i fell but they were all at the top already, saying it was too much work to go down again. So now i am the landing pad because i cant climb anymore. For if i climb what will the others do when they fall? I hate everything about my life. And i hate that i hate me.
